Thursday, February 22, 2024

Positive Aspects of the Mormon Church

    


    A faith transition is an interesting experience to go through. There are times when I'm filled with rage for things the church did or didn't do, for what it took from me, and for what it kept me from. Other times I am filled with deep sadness over what I have lost: community, certainty, belief, and trust. Occasionally I feel tremendous regret over what was and what could have been, disappointment over how long it took me to "see the light," and confusion about what to believe in now (or if I even should place my belief in another system or organization.) Most days, I'm okay with what it is now. I am good with not knowing, with growing and evolving. I am content in a way that I never was before, probably because I am allowed to accept myself just the way I am right now. I still want to improve myself, but it's no longer with an eye towards unattainable perfection or some standard of "worthiness." Now I can fully accept that I am human, complete with contradictions, foibles, biases, faults, and imperfections. I can also accept life just as it is, without constantly looking to the future for resolution, justice, or peace because the present isn't what I want it to be. I can accept that whatever comes my way is just another experience for me to go through, another lesson to learn, another challenge to overcome. I expect life to be hard, boring, disappointing, scary, sad, and even depressing at times. But I also expect it to be fun, exciting, beautiful, fulfilling, and meaningful. I no longer subconsciously fight against what is, but try to mindfully, consciously be present. 

    I don't regret leaving Mormonism for even a moment, because of how much richer, happier, and more authentic my life is now. But I have to give credit to the LDS church for some things that it did right in my life (which also helps me be at peace with the fact that I have many friends and some family who are still in it.)  

    The Mormon church gave me a faith foundation, something to believe in with a childlike faith. It was the prelude to the stage of faith I am in now. The church also helped me have a strong desire to improve myself. That's a mixed bag because it also instilled an underlying sense that I was never good enough and so I needed to do and be better in order to be acceptable or "worthy," but I am still thankful that I have always had that drive to keep learning and growing. The church also taught me some practical life skills, such as self-discipline, perseverance, food storage, frugality, budgeting, and how to teach and lead. Feeling pressured to accept callings was anxiety-inducing and uncomfortable, but it taught me to push past that discomfort and develop new skills and abilities. The Word of Wisdom helped me recognize how important diet and health are, and the doctrine of forever families taught me to cherish family and work on my relationships so I would want to be with them for eternity. 

    The most important thing the Mormon church gave me was the opportunity to become friends with some of the most incredible people I have known. I had ladies that accepted me for who I was, who were mentors, teachers, and good examples, and who showed me how to be a good wife, mother, and friend. I was surrounded by women who helped me feel loved, which was the greatest gift I could ever be given. I got to know men who were kind, humble, caring, and truly loved their wives and children, something that helped me overcome my view of God as a wrathful and angry father-figure who just wanted to punish me to one of a loving father that wanted me to be obedient so I could enjoy blessings. I had teachers who taught me the history and context of the bible and how to find meaning in the symbolic. I rubbed shoulders with many people who were far more educated than I was, giving me the impetus to educate myself further, whether by reading on my own or by finally going to college. I made good friends who I have stayed in touch with for many years and through multiple moves.   

    So even as I write about my anger, dislike, and disgust over the institution of the church, I don't want to forget, deny, or turn my back on the positive aspects. I may have left Mormonism, but it will always be a part of me. I'd rather make peace with that than try to remove it from myself. Some days I feel like I've got a good handle on that, other days I just want to numb out, rage, or cry. And that's okay, too. Because my reactions are healthy, normal, human reactions to what I discovered and what I am going through. I still look for the positives in this, but I know that I don't always have to be positive or happy with it. 

    Now indulge me here as I do a very Mormon thing and share my "testimony": Life is good. It's full of possibilities, opportunities, challenges, and so much potential to be great. I trust that I will continue to be guided to the knowledge and wisdom I need, and that I will continue to evolve to become the complete being I was made to be. I know that what I know is miniscule, and rather than letting that make me feel inadequate or ignorant, it fills me with excitement about how much I still get to learn. I believe in integrity, love, honesty, devotion, generosity, compassion, balance, peace, and authenticity. These are what I hold onto, and what I strive to practice. Amen. 

Friday, February 16, 2024

What Do I Love About Leaving Mormonism?

You know what I love the most about leaving Mormonism? Coffee is high on the list, but the number one benefit is that my mind is free! 

I now have the freedom to read, think, and learn about anything and everything without having to run it through the "gospel" lens. I no longer need to do mental gymnastics to make things fit into the Mormon (or even Christian) doctrine and worldview. 

I always thought I had a pretty open mind (and I did for being so orthodox) but now I'm seeing all the ways the church's programming affected my ability to use reason and logic and to be fully open to information and possibilities that didn't mesh with their beliefs. Whenever I would read or study, my mind would automatically start questioning how the new information fit within the gospel context. If it didn't, it was suspect and quite possibly wrong. Or I had to twist my mind in knots trying to make it make sense. Not any more. 

My mind is so much more open now, and so many things now make sense because I can accept them as they are, instead of trying to make them fit a particular narrative (or worse, convincing myself that I don't need to know or understand, or that it doesn't matter because God will explain it all after I'm dead.) 

I don't need to listen to long, complicated explanations or make excuses for why things have to be just so. Instead, I can just go with what actually does make sense, what resonates with me personally, and with the results of verifiable research. It's like having blinders removed, or suddenly seeing the world in color. It's beautiful and amazing! There's a great big world out there, and many, many people who know a lot more about it than I do, and I'm excited to "sit at their feet" and soak up lots of new knowledge and wisdom. I can finally fully give in to my insatiable curiosity without limitations or shackles.  


Wednesday, February 14, 2024

Is God a "good" parent?

What kind of parent should I expect the Mormon (or even mainstream Christian) God to be? Some describe him as a loving father, others as a jealous or vengeful god or ruler, but believers all say that he is all-knowing, all-powerful, and perfect. So it would be reasonable of me to expect him to use the best parenting practices, right? And no, I'm not saying I would know better than God what a perfect parent would do, but there is very clear data that certain parenting styles and techniques are far more effective than others, and I would assume that God would know that and follow them (and to have influenced his children to follow his example.) 

Sadly, a parenting class I took in college is part of what made me really start questioning whether the version of God that I was taught about is really accurate. You see, there are four main parenting styles, all of which have been extensively researched. 

1. Authoritative: 
2. Authoritarian
3. Permissive
4. Uninvolved

I'll just use the descriptions that the National Institutes of Health has on their website to give you a good idea of what the styles are like, how they differ, and their effects on children.

"Authoritarian Parenting

Parents of this style tend to have a one-way mode of communication where the parent establishes strict rules that the child obeys. There is little to no room for negotiations from the child, and the rules are not usually explained. They expect their children to uphold these standards while making no errors. Mistakes usually lead to punishment. Authoritarian parents are normally less nurturing and have high expectations with limited flexibility. 

Children that grow up with authoritarian parents will usually be the most well-behaved in the room because of the consequences of misbehaving. Additionally, they are better able to adhere to the precise instructions required to reach a goal. Furthermore, this parenting style can result in children who have higher levels of aggression but may also be shy, socially inept, and unable to make their own decisions. This aggression can remain uncontrolled as they have difficulty managing anger as they were not provided with proper guidance. They have poor self-esteem, which further reinforces their inability to make decisions. Strict parental rules and punishments often influence the child to rebel against authority figures as they grow older.  

Authoritative Parenting

This type of parent normally develops a close, nurturing relationship with their children. They have clear guidelines for their expectations and explain their reasons associated with disciplinary actions. Disciplinary methods are used as a way of support instead of punishment. Not only can children have input into goals and expectations, but there are also frequent and appropriate levels of communication between the parent and their child. In general, this parenting style leads to the healthiest outcomes for children but requires a lot of patience and effort on both parties. 

Authoritative parenting results in children who are confident, responsible, and able to self-regulate. They can manage their negative emotions more effectively, which leads to better social outcomes and emotional health. Since these parents also encourage independence, their children will learn that they are capable of accomplishing goals on their own. This results in children who grow up with higher self-esteem. Also, these children have a high level of academic achievement and school performance.

Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents tend to be warm, nurturing and usually have minimal or no expectations. They impose limited rules on their children. Communication remains open, but parents allow their children to figure things out for themselves. These low levels of expectation usually result in rare uses of discipline. They act more like friends than parents. 

Limited rules can lead to children with unhealthy eating habits, especially regarding snacks. This can result in increased risks for obesity and other health problems later in the child’s life. The child also has a lot of freedom as they decide their bedtime, if or when to do homework, and screen time with the computer and television. Freedom to this degree can lead to other negative habits as the parent does not provide much guidance on moderation. Overall, children of permissive parents usually have some self-esteem and decent social skills. However, they can be impulsive, demanding, selfish, and lack self-regulation.

Uninvolved Parenting

Children are given a lot of freedom as this type of parent normally stays out of the way. They fulfill the child’s basic needs while generally remaining detached from their child’s life. An uninvolved parent does not utilize a particular disciplining style and has a limited amount of communication with their child. They tend to offer a low amount of nurturing while having either few or no expectations of their children. 

The children of uninvolved parents usually are resilient and may even be more self-sufficient than children with other types of upbringing. However, these skills are developed out of necessity. Additionally, they might have trouble controlling their emotions, less effective coping strategies, may have academic challenges, and difficulty with maintaining or nurturing social relationships." 

(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK568743/#:~:text=Different%20researchers%20have%20grouped%20parenting,how%20parents%20raise%20their%20children.)

As I learned about the different parenting styles, it became clear that authoritative parenting was the gold standard of the bunch. It has the best overall outcomes for a child's healthy and normal development. The other three all have serious drawbacks. Most people gravitate towards one main parenting style, but often employ elements of two, three, or even all four styles, especially with multiple children that have vastly different personalities and needs. By and far, though, the majority of children will do best with authoritative parents. 

So why does God generally employ the two least favorable styles of parenting, the authoritarian and uninvolved? Why does he seem to actively avoid using the most nurturing and beneficial parenting style? 

If you read the scriptures, God can come across as jealous, violent, vengeful, distant, uncaring, punitive, and totally uninvolved. He created clear guidelines (ten commandments, and many other "laws) in the Old Testament, but didn't really communicate with the majority of his "children," and offered very little nurturing. Then Jesus shows up and models authoritative parenting while in the flesh- he explained the reasons for his rules, set standards that were reasonable, and was a pro at communicating and teaching. 

In Mormonism, God (the father) and Jesus Christ (the son) are two separate beings. That makes this more confusing because why would the "father" be a worse parent than the "son?" Wouldn't the father have taught by example? Or is God a hypocrite who used the "do as I say, not as I do" method of teaching? Why did Jesus have such an intuitive grasp on the need to teach, nurture, and love if his father didn't? How does this make sense with a perfect God?

In mainstream Christianity God the father and Jesus Christ (the son) are actually one, which creates its own mess of confusion. If God is never-changing and all-knowing, why did his parenting style change so drastically between the Old and New Testaments? Why did it take embodiment (God as Jesus Christ) to enable/empower/allow him to use the best parenting practices? 

None of it makes sense. And I know that believers will say that I am anthropomorphizing god, that his ways are not our ways, that I need to just have faith, but shouldn't an omnipotent God know that his children on earth are going to learn all these things that will make them wonder why he has been so uninvolved and invisible in his children's lives? Wouldn't a truly loving, perfect parent be working hard to maintain their relationship with their children? Instead, we are left with ambiguous scriptures that often contradict themselves, reliance on a holy spirit that is completely subjective and mostly just our own emotional responses, and human men who claim to speak for this absentee parent without any way of verifying their authority. 

I can appreciate some of the teachings and morals in the Christian scriptures, but I get the feeling that their God has been horribly misrepresented by men as a deadbeat dad who is far more interested in blind obedience than in loving personal relationships. There's something wrong with that. 

Wednesday, January 31, 2024

The Mormon Church is Toxic

 Today, I'm angry. No, it's deeper and more intense than just that. I'm furious. I'm not going to sugarcoat what I'm feeling, what my lived experiences have been, or what I think. 

So what's got me so fired up? The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. 

Part of why the anger is so strong is because it is against an institution and not an individual, which means that there is no opportunity for discussion, resolution, or restitution. I can fight with my husband and have really hurt feelings, but we can also cool down, reassess, talk things out, forgive, and move on. I can't do that with the organization that brainwashed me for 50 years. I can't go to the women's group leader, the bishop, the stake president, or even the prophet and have my voice be heard, my feelings validated, and my concerns addressed. I already know what would happen if I attempted that with any of those individuals- plenty of excuses, gaslighting, sympathy (without real understanding), and counsel to just have faith, believe, and keep doing what they think is "right." That doesn't help.

They can't help to undo the years of brainwashing, manipulation, and controlling tactics that the church has used on me. I can already hear the denials by active members that the church doesn't do any of those things, and that I'm just deceived or my perception is skewed or I'm just an angry ex-member. I'll gladly admit to the latter, but my eyes are open and I'm seeing the church clearly for the first time in my life. Although there are some positive aspects to it, overall it is toxic. (Show me a Mormon, especially a Mormon woman, who doesn't have some depression, anxiety, or more serious mental illness. And read this entire post and tell me the church isn't guilty of many of the tactics...)

Taken at face value, many of the church's teachings seem helpful, common sense, or at least harmless. But when you look at how they are applied, the expectations (implicit and explicit) that are put on people, and the general culture that has developed, it is not healthy. For example, I was taught that as a woman I should be humble, meek, submissive, loving, nurturing, and selfless. I was expected to serve others, set the right tone in my home, teach my child, support and respect my husband, give deference to authority figures like bishops and stake presidents, and stay at home rather than have a job. My "job" was to bring more spirits into the world by having children and then raise them to be righteous members of the church. These were just the explicit expectations. Then you add the cultural ones that had me thinking that I also needed to know how to cook (from scratch, preferably!), be creative and make cute stuff, decorate a home, dress stylishly, speak softly, be friendly, be well-spoken and intelligent, be able to do public speaking and teaching, and be feminine. Do you know anyone who could do all of this (and maintain good mental health?!) I don't. And I wasn't able to. Instead, I spent 50 years spinning my wheels trying to measure up and keep up. 

Unfortunately, I took many of the teachings and pressures to heart (because that's what a "good" Mormon does.) I made many life decisions based on what I had been brainwashed into thinking was the "right" thing for a woman to do. I didn't realize I had real choices. I was told what was "best" and set aside what would have been considered (to the church) "good" or "better." To have that much control over a person's thoughts, sense of self-identity, and behavior is not healthy. You could say that I was just weak or took things the wrong way, but there are literally millions of women who have followed the same path as me, and it wasn't because we are all naturally inclined to. You can't fight against programming from birth if you don't even know it's being done. You don't know that it can be okay to follow a different path if you are always taught that you should aim for one specific one.

That's messed up. I should be 25 years into a career right now. I should have a stable sense of self-identity, the self-worth to know that I am good enough just as I am, and more life skills than just what is necessary to run a household. I should have been taught how to make decisions by weighing the pros and cons, listening to my intuition and moving forward, rather than being told that each choice could have eternal consequences (yikes!) and that I should seek guidance from a male (God, holy ghost, father, husband, bishop, etc.) I should have been taught critical thinking skills, and encouraged to question, research, test things, and come to my own conclusion. 

Seriously, being in a high-demand religion is so damaging to normal human development. It requires constant mental gymnastics to deal with the cognitive dissonance of what I "know" (believe) and facts about church history, issues, and even basic psychology, sociology, etc. It necessitated setting aside my inner compass so I could "follow the prophet," even though a 90+ year-old-old man knows nothing of my particular situation. It meant repeating such stupid phrases as "the people aren't perfect, but the church is," "love the sinner, hate the sin," and "God's ways are not our ways, just have faith." Each of these was thought-stopping phrases meant to keep me from looking any deeper into issues that would come up. 

The church is very good at disguising their control mechanisms as something desirable or normal. Steven Hassan, a former member of the Moonies cult and mental health counselor (including cult deprogramming), created the BITE model, which demonstrates some of the methods high-demand groups or cults use. Look at what his research has determined:

Any one of these by itself could be innocuous, but when multiple methods in each category are put to use, undue influence is being used to control a person. 

I'll quote now from a book that goes into the methods used by high-demand groups, including the Mormon church. My comments are in brackets. 

There are actually "31 specific mechanisms high-demand groups use to recruit, convert, control, and retain members:

Love bombing- friendliness, flattery, praise, and affection are used to entice participation and attendance... 

Destabilizing the Self- ...includes those who have already been destabilized by life situations and the indoctrination of children who have not yet formed a sense of self. [Missionaries have actually been encouraged to seek out those who have been through destabilizing events in their life, because they are more vulnerable. I have personally experienced this one.]

Deception- Lies, omissions, and "front" activities cover flaws or unusual aspects of the group, doctrine, leadership, and history. [It doesn't take much searching to uncover the massive deception by the church about its history, finances, etc.]

Sacred Science (Closed System of Logic)- The ideology and leader have the one and only truth. Members should only seek answers in group teachings. The leaders are above criticism... [100%]

Mystical Manipulation- Forces exist which are more powerful than the self. The group strives to fulfill a higher purpose. Ends justify the means. 

Milieu Control- Information and environment are tightly controlled. ...Access to outside information is tightly regulated, especially that which might raise doubts or be critical of the group. [Members are strongly encouraged to avoid "anti" literature and information, as well as any websites or persons who speak against the church.]

Demand for Purity (Perpetual Inadequacy)- Lofty moral goals are set. At first the goals seem achievable, but the standards for achievement grow ever more impossible to meet, keeping the follower perpetually inadequate. [Strive for perfection, but never come close.]

Dispensing of Evidence- The individual's literal or figurative existence is threatened as a consequence for impurity, doubt, or leaving the group. 

Doctrine Over Self- The individual is subordinate to the group, leader, and teachings. When personal desires, goals, and values conflict with group values, they become selfish or immoral. [There is very little room for development or expression of self within the church. Only those who are exceptionally strong and not bothered by disapproval generally do so.]

Loading the Language- Existing words are loaded with new meaning. New words are added. Other words are banned or dropped from usage. This affects ability to think, as well as ability to communicate comfortably with those outside the group. [There's a reason Mormons have their own jargon, which has to be explained to non-members.]

Totalist Reframing- Situations, thoughts, or feelings are reinterpreted in a way that suits the goals of the organization. This is used to continually prove the ideology correct, to squelch doubts, and to silence outsiders.

Thought-Terminating Cliches- Short phrases, pat answers, and emotional reactions are pre-established to frame doubts. Doubt and questions are automatically shut down. [Think of your favorite hymn or scripture when tempted; doubt your doubts; if you feel uncomfortable with new information it is probably Satan tempting you, etc.]

Social Pressure- Social acceptance and rejection are used to reward and punish. A member becomes driven with a desire to conform. [Much of this is implicit. There is constant judgement of others on things like clothing (immodest), not wearing garments (or wearing them improperly), doing things on Sundays, appearance, etc.]

Belief Follows Behavior- Action generates the associated belief. [Fake it till you make it; bear testimony and you'll gain a testimony; obey and then be blessed with a belief in the behavior]

Public Commitment- Commitments are expressed aloud. Public statements reinforce belief and dedication to the group. [Baptism, testimonies]

Creating Dependency- A member comes to depend on the group for physical, emotional, social, spiritual, or other needs. The member has a high stake in continuing to stay loyal to the group. [Many members' entire social network consists of other members. This creates serious issues when a person decides to leave, because they lose their social support and often even family support. This can also include requiring members to pay tithing when they don't have enough for their own needs and then providing them with food or assistance.]

Black and White Thinking- Broad spectrums of thought and morality become reduced to two options: Good vs. Evil, Love vs. Hate, Weak vs. Strong, Humble vs. Proud. [100%]

Elitism- The members of the group are chosen people, exalted, righteous. Members are made to feel special when compared to outsiders. [100%]

Us-Versus-Them Thinking- ...a form of black and white thinking wherein outsiders, ex-members, and those critical of the group are dehumanized and labeled as evil, apostate, vicious, hateful, prideful, blinded, deceived, etc. A persecution complex may exist whereby reasonable criticism is reframed as an attack. [Yep, I'm an apostate now. I must be deceived or blinded.]

Indirect Directives- Certain restrictions or demands on behavior are implied rather than express. ...Leadership remains innocent of issuing any unseemly teachings. 

Identification and Example- Those who behave correctly or incorrectly are used as examples. Suggested behavior can be inferred from these stories without direct commandment. [Go read some conference talks and look for these types of stories. They're there.]

Emotion Over Intellect- Emotion is emphasized as the preferred decision-making tool. The value of using reason is down-played. Doctrines are often taught in emotional contexts, such as through stories told in tearful or gentle tones. [Rely on the spirit, not your own intellect. "Lean not on thine own understanding." The church actually uses music as a tool to manipulate emotional responses.]

Induced Phobias- Fears are instilled which are either imaginary, based on real or exaggerated consequences, or on artificial effects created from group pressures. [Fear of hell, fear of family not being together in the celestial kingdom, fear of shunning, etc.]

Trance Induction & Dissociative States- Critical thinking skills are reduced through regular encouragement of receptive mental states. Altered states can be mild and seem normal, and include concentration, fatigue, boredom, and hunger. [Fasting, general conference, early-morning seminary, etc.]

Time Control- The member has little time or energy to question beliefs, associate with outsiders, or examine life too closely. Time spent on group-related activities is strongly encouraged or enforced, and usually fills every spare moment. [The church requires so much time and energy!! Church every Sunday, weekday activities, Stake Conference, general conferences, youth trips, ward activities, seminary, institute, callings, choir, etc. You could spend as much time at church or on church-related activities as you do at a part-time job!]

Double-Bind- The member is "damned if you do, damned if you don't." She must betray the group or betray her own integrity. [My integrity said that I couldn't continue to pay tithing to an unethical organization with no financial transparency... so I could either pay tithing to the church to maintain a temple recommend but betray my own integrity, or pay it to other charities and betray the group.]

Blame Reversal- The leadership, group, and doctrine are above reproach, so any failed promises and bad situations are always the fault of the member. [If you aren't given specific blessings, it must be because of something you did or something you should have done but didn't. No way it was because of the rigged system.]

Guilt & Shame- A cycle of guilt and shame comes from repressed doubts, social pressure, and failure to meet impossible standards. [So much shame!! Shame is toxic, unhealthy, and creates a lot of mental and emotional distress. Shame is not a good tool for any organization to use, but it is used in spades in the church.]

Confession- The individual surrenders to leaders through confession, which reduces privacy and boundaries. Successful purification can grant temporary relief from guilt, which increases trust and dedication. Members are motivated to obey to avoid confession. [Go talk to your bishop about your sins; be publicly humiliated by being denied the sacrament; attend disciplinary hearings about your sins, etc. And unfortunately, your private confession becomes a topic of conversation in bishopric meetings, ward councils, and even within the ward when one person shares private information with others. That's not safe or healthy.]

Euphoria Induction- The euphoria of group participation and fulfilling the member's ideals motivates good behavior and reduces doubts while proving the validity of the group. [congregational singing and testimony bearing induces feelings of the spirit]

Proselytizing- Members are encouraged to propagate teachings to outsiders. This not only maintains or increases the size of the group, but also soothes cognitive dissonance, consumes time, and provides opportunities for public commitment. [100%]

(From Recovering Agency: Lifting the Veil of Mormon Mind Control by Luna Lindsey Corbden)

Like I said, if a church or other organization only used a couple of these, it could be harmless or unintentional. But when you start to see the big picture, you see a very unhealthy and controlling system that creates extreme devotion and denial of self. Many of these tactics have been pointed out to church leaders over the years, so it's not like they aren't aware of what they are doing. Since their number one priority is to keep the church going and keep members active, they aren't likely to make many healthy changes until it benefits them somehow. 

So yeah, I'm livid that I fell prey to a high-demand religion that molded me from the time I was an infant. Actually, it goes back beyond that. My dad, my grandparents, my great-grandparents, and even my great-great-grandparents were sucked into this. And because much of the information and facts that are easily available on the internet today were hidden, unavailable, or treated as "anti," there was little chance of any of my ancestors getting out before I was born. I had no choice. I also came from a highly dysfunctional and even abusive family, so I was primed to seek out the church's promise of happiness and blessings through obedience and compliance. I didn't know there were other ways to create a happy or healthy family. My options were dysfunction or the church fairy-tale. So I went all-in on the Mormon Plan of Happiness. 

I don't think it's wrong to teach children about god, or even the "gospel," but I do think it's wrong to hide the truth about a religion's history, past teachings, and current manipulative methods. I think children should be taught critical thinking skills, boundaries, consent, personal safety, autonomy, and that it's okay to not fit in. There are other churches and organizations that are able to do these things in a healthy way, so it's not impossible. But the Mormon church is not one of those. I am glad that my  grandchildren will not be raised in it. I am thankful that they can grow up without the undue influence and control of such a dishonest and manipulative religion. I am just sad that I have wasted 50 years in it, that my daughter is struggling with the after-effects of it, and that my family has lost so much time, money, and mental wellness to it. I know it still works for some people, and I wish them the best. I sincerely hope that those who stay in do it in a much healthier way than I was able to. But as for me and my family, we're out.