Is God a "good" parent?

What kind of parent should I expect the Mormon (or even mainstream Christian) God to be? Some describe him as a loving father, others as a jealous or vengeful god or ruler, but believers all say that he is all-knowing, all-powerful, and perfect. So it would be reasonable of me to expect him to use the best parenting practices, right? And no, I'm not saying I would know better than God what a perfect parent would do, but there is very clear data that certain parenting styles and techniques are far more effective than others, and I would assume that God would know that and follow them (and to have influenced his children to follow his example.) 

Sadly, a parenting class I took in college is part of what made me really start questioning whether the version of God that I was taught about is really accurate. You see, there are four main parenting styles, all of which have been extensively researched. 

1. Authoritative: 

2. Authoritarian

3. Permissive

4. Uninvolved

I'll just use the descriptions that the National Institutes of Health has on their website to give you a good idea of what the styles are like, how they differ, and their effects on children.

"Authoritarian Parenting

Parents of this style tend to have a one-way mode of communication where the parent establishes strict rules that the child obeys. There is little to no room for negotiations from the child, and the rules are not usually explained. They expect their children to uphold these standards while making no errors. Mistakes usually lead to punishment. Authoritarian parents are normally less nurturing and have high expectations with limited flexibility. 

Children that grow up with authoritarian parents will usually be the most well-behaved in the room because of the consequences of misbehaving. Additionally, they are better able to adhere to the precise instructions required to reach a goal. Furthermore, this parenting style can result in children who have higher levels of aggression but may also be shy, socially inept, and unable to make their own decisions.[1] This aggression can remain uncontrolled as they have difficulty managing anger as they were not provided with proper guidance. They have poor self-esteem, which further reinforces their inability to make decisions.[2] Strict parental rules and punishments often influence the child to rebel against authority figures as they grow older.  

Authoritative Parenting

This type of parent normally develops a close, nurturing relationship with their children. They have clear guidelines for their expectations and explain their reasons associated with disciplinary actions. Disciplinary methods are used as a way of support instead of punishment. Not only can children have input into goals and expectations, but there are also frequent and appropriate levels of communication between the parent and their child. In general, this parenting style leads to the healthiest outcomes for children but requires a lot of patience and effort on both parties. 

Authoritative parenting results in children who are confident, responsible, and able to self-regulate.[1][3] They can manage their negative emotions more effectively, which leads to better social outcomes and emotional health. Since these parents also encourage independence, their children will learn that they are capable of accomplishing goals on their own. This results in children who grow up with higher self-esteem. Also, these children have a high level of academic achievement and school performance.[4]

Permissive Parenting

Permissive parents tend to be warm, nurturing and usually have minimal or no expectations. They impose limited rules on their children. Communication remains open, but parents allow their children to figure things out for themselves. These low levels of expectation usually result in rare uses of discipline. They act more like friends than parents. 

Limited rules can lead to children with unhealthy eating habits, especially regarding snacks.[5] This can result in increased risks for obesity and other health problems later in the child’s life. The child also has a lot of freedom as they decide their bedtime, if or when to do homework, and screen time with the computer and television.[6] Freedom to this degree can lead to other negative habits as the parent does not provide much guidance on moderation. Overall, children of permissive parents usually have some self-esteem and decent social skills. However, they can be impulsive, demanding, selfish, and lack self-regulation.[7][8]

Uninvolved Parenting

Children are given a lot of freedom as this type of parent normally stays out of the way. They fulfill the child’s basic needs while generally remaining detached from their child’s life. An uninvolved parent does not utilize a particular disciplining style and has a limited amount of communication with their child. They tend to offer a low amount of nurturing while having either few or no expectations of their children. 

The children of uninvolved parents usually are resilient and may even be more self-sufficient than children with other types of upbringing. However, these skills are developed out of necessity. Additionally, they might have trouble controlling their emotions, less effective coping strategies, may have academic challenges, and difficulty with maintaining or nurturing social relationships." 

(https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK568743/#:~:text=Different%20researchers%20have%20grouped%20parenting,how%20parents%20raise%20their%20children.)

As I learned about the different parenting styles, it became clear that authoritative parenting was the gold standard of the bunch. It has the best overall outcomes for a child's healthy and normal development. The other three all have serious drawbacks. Most people gravitate towards one main parenting style, but often employ elements of two, three, or even all four styles, especially with multiple children that have vastly different personalities and needs. By and far, though, the majority of children will do best with authoritative parents. 

So why does God generally employ the two least favorable styles of parenting, the authoritarian and uninvolved? Why does he seem to actively avoid using the most nurturing and beneficial parenting style? 

If you read the scriptures, God can come across as jealous, violent, vengeful, distant, uncaring, punitive, and totally uninvolved. He created clear guidelines (ten commandments, and many other "laws) in the Old Testament, but didn't really communicate with the majority of his "children," and offered very little nurturing. Then Jesus shows up and models authoritative parenting while in the flesh- he explained the reasons for his rules, set standards that were reasonable, and was a pro at communicating and teaching. 

In Mormonism, God (the father) and Jesus Christ (the son) are two separate beings. That makes this more confusing because why would the "father" be a worse parent than the "son?" Wouldn't the father have taught by example? Or is God a hypocrite who used the "do as I say, not as I do" method of teaching? Why did Jesus have such an intuitive grasp on the need to teach, nurture, and love if his father didn't? How does this make sense with a perfect God?

In mainstream Christianity God the father and Jesus Christ (the son) are actually one, which creates its own mess of confusion. If God is never-changing and all-knowing, why did his parenting style change so drastically between the Old and New Testaments? Why did it take embodiment (God as Jesus Christ) to enable/empower/allow him to use the best parenting practices? 

None of it makes sense. And I know that believers will say that I am anthropomorphizing god, that his ways are not our ways, that I need to just have faith, but shouldn't an omnipotent God know that his children on earth are going to learn all these things that will make them wonder why he has been so uninvolved and invisible in his children's lives? Wouldn't a truly loving, perfect parent be working hard to maintain their relationship with their children? Instead, we are left with ambiguous scriptures that often contradict themselves, reliance on a holy spirit that is completely subjective and mostly just our own emotional responses, and human men who claim to speak for this absentee parent without any way of verifying their authority. 

I can appreciate some of the teachings and morals in the Christian scriptures, but I get the feeling that their God has been horribly misrepresented by men as a deadbeat dad who is far more interested in blind obedience than in loving personal relationships. There's something wrong with that.