For those of you who know me, it doesn't come as a surprise to know that I suffer from chronic low self-esteem, anxiety, and at times clinical depression. To me, these are just some of the struggles I know I have and yet also know that I can't let them hold me back (too much.) Over the years I've gotten better about trusting the Lord and trying to believe that He really will help me accomplish things I know I can't do on my own. I'd love to say that I have no doubts and that the aforementioned struggles didn't compete with my faith, but I'd be lying. Luckily, there are times when it's so clear that God is working with me, guiding me on my journey, and lifting me above who I am right now, that I want to rejoice. The past couple of months have been like that.
This past fall I noticed that I was enjoying the leaves turning and the weather becoming colder. My normal response is usually very melancholy, with a focus on the dying leaves and the barren looking trees and ground, the loss of warmth and the lack of sunshine. But this time I've noticed a definite weakening of my depression, and a blessed relief from the sense of loss that winter generally brings.
This lessening of my depression became obvious when our Bishop called and asked if he could stop by our house on "official" business one Friday evening. I was a little stumped. After all, David and I both had callings and I couldn't think of any open callings that we would be asked to fill. I was a little apprehensive, but mostly just curious.
Imagine my surprise, then, when our Bishop asked me to accept a call to be Primary President. I was just barely getting used to being a counselor in our primary presidency (and a fairly useless one, at that!) so I was dumbfounded that I was being asked to take this on. The really amazing and miraculous part of this story though, is that I accepted without hesitation and without anxiety. Yeah, imagine me responding to almost anything new without being nervous. Truly miraculous. And I know now that God has been lifting me up for the past couple months, preparing me to be able to serve in this capacity.
Honestly, had I been asked 6 months ago, I would have declined. I know my limits and with all of the major changes of the past year, I wasn't in a position mentally or emotionally to be able to accept a big challenge, even as recently as six months ago.
Now it's so different! The anxiety didn't come until the day I was actually called and sustained. Then it hit me- I'm going to be in charge of an entire group of kids I don't know very well, half of whom I still don't know the parents of, and things like scouting that I've never been involved in! Yikes! But I'm excited to take on the challenge. There are some serious obstacles right at the start- we don't have anyone in the nursery and no music leader- but I really do love being with the children and I have such amazing and wonderful women serving with me. I've also got a great Bishop (who is one of the first friends we made when we moved here) who understands the needs of the Primary and is working with me to try to quickly address those needs. It doesn't hurt that we've got a small Primary (generally 20 children total), and I do much better with small groups.
For now, I'm blessed to have my daughter helping with the music (I knew her musical talents would come in handy some day!! lol) and my counselors are helping me figure out everything else. Another great blessing is that our previous Bishop (who was very recently released) is our Cub Scout Master and is more than willing to head up the Pinewood Derby... which I just found out today is supposed to be in January or February... and we need to give the kids a month to get their cars ready! Luckily no one is uptight about this stuff, and it sounds like the Derby is generally a fun ward activity.
Now it's time to get busy figuring out everything that needs to be done, constantly checking sugardoodle for ideas for sharing time, singing time, and primary in general, and learning from the wonderful people I serve with.