I keep wondering what God has in store for me here in Steubenville. Surely there's a purpose in my being here. I just wish He'd give me some sort of a clue. I feel like my life is meaningless and lacks purpose. I am eager for an opportunity to serve but am completely lost in this new area.
I've often wondered why I'm on this earth and have tried to convince myself that the little good I've done makes up for the resources I've used, but sometimes when I'm done with cleaning my house, running errands, and cooking meals, I have to wonder if this is all there is to life. Surely it's not meant to be one endless round of working to pay the bills, working to keep things in good repair, working to stay healthy, and sometimes getting away from all that to have some fun.
I know there's so much more to life than this. I know that it's about loving and serving others. It's about sharing what we've worked so hard to get and lifting others up to whatever level we've achieved. Right now, though, I don't even know where to start. I don't know anyone well enough to know of their needs, I don't know of any volunteer programs (except one for seniors) and I guess I'm not observant or smart enough to find the service opportunities. (It doesn't help that most things in this town aren't online.)
For years now I've tried to think of what I'd like to do with my life, and I still have no answers. There's no one thing that really calls to me. I can't think of a single occupation that I would be passionate about, or even a college major that would be worth the struggle. I feel like a teenager fresh out of high school who needs to pick a direction for her life, and it's pitiful that I'm still here at my age.
So I'll just sit here and wait on the Lord, and see what direction He's going to send me this time. I feel like a nomad who has to follow unknown paths to new hunting grounds. Maybe somewhere along this path I'll find my calling in life. Until then, I'll just keep an eye out for ways to be of use to someone, somehow, somewhere.