You Know It's Time to Diet When...
~You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
~You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
~Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
~You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.
~You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
~You could sell shade.
~Your blood type is Ragu.
Ways to Know You Have PMS
~Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
~You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
~The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
~Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
~Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
~You're counting down the days until menopause.
~You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
~The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.