Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Here's the next batch of laughs!

You Know It's Time to Diet When...

~You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.
~You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.
~Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."
~You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for your picture.
~You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.
~You could sell shade.
~Your blood type is Ragu.

Ways to Know You Have PMS

~Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
~You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelet.
~The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
~Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
~Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
~You're counting down the days until menopause.
~You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
~The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday.


Mama D said...

Wait! Choc chips don't belong in a cheese omelet?!

That PMS one -- oh, so true... I am throwing a major party once I live through menopause! You're all invited. Date TBA...

Wow! Patty, you are on a roll! Keep it up. I love to laugh and really don't do it often enough.

AJ said...

I love it! I remember when my parents used to hoot and hollar when I announced that aunt flow had arrived. I never really understood what all the excitment was.

AJ said...

my grammar sucks. I meant to say what the excitement was about.

Papa D said...

I claim the privilege of not commenting about the PMS stuff. I have found I am addicted to breathing.