As I was thinking of all the ways I've blessed in my life, I was overwhelmed with such gratitude for God's ability to take someone so broken and so seemingly hopeless and bringing me to a knowledge that I am loved and that I don't have to be who I thought I was.
Since this blog is called "betch didn't know"... here's one for you- I'll bet few of you know that I've struggled with social anxiety disorder for the last 12 years, or that I have overcome major depression with suicidal tendencies. I was one of those people that truly didn't know that God is a loving Heavenly Father or that I had any value. My husband tries to tell people how amazed he is at how far I've come, but I'm not sure most really understand. It took me almost 10 years of marriage before I was able to tolerate being in crowds- the mall was a nightmare to me, eating out was unheard of, social gatherings.. not happening! I struggled just to sit through three hours of church without feeling like running out and hiding in my house. It went far beyond a fear of public speaking, which I'm sure it's obvious I still have. I had a fear of speaking to people at all.
I am so thankful for the tender mercies that have been given to me over the last 10 years. I've been shown so much kindness and love, even when I know it wasn't easy for those people to do so. Imagine trying to befriend someone who hardly talks! I've had sisters who have been so patient with me as I have learned to be human.
I look back at where I was even three years ago and I am amazed. Maybe dumbfounded would be a better word. When I moved to Cincinnati, God brought me to the one place where I would find such total acceptance, such a loving ward family, that I have experienced such miraculous healing. I feel the words "for once I was lost, but now I'm found" in the very depths of my soul. I am what I am today because of Christ's atonement. No other power on this earth, or elsewhere, could have healed someone as broken as I was. He healed wounds that I thought would make me weep forever. He brought me peace as I travelled new and unfamiliar roads. He has given me the chance to soar above all the loneliness, confusion, and heartache that was my life for so many years.
I'm still a work in progress, but at least I know there's hope for me. I still can't get up in front of crowds to speak, and I still have to force myself to be social sometimes, but I know deep down that I'm okay. I know that God is real and that He loves me. And I know that Jesus is with me every step of the way, and that He makes this life worth living.