My Mom

I love how my mom has always been interested in learning. She's taken all sorts of different classes and learned many talents and skills. I thought it was great when she was studying to become a phlebotomist (a person who draws blood.) She needed a volunteer to practice on and being young and unafraid of needles, I agreed, but at the cost of one roll of lifesavers (or other vending machine treat) each time I went! (I'm not sure that would be legal nowadays, but I'm glad it was okay back then!) By the way, she was quite good at it. I don't remember any pain or discomfort from it.

Not only does my mom love to learn, but she also loves to explore new places. While I was growing up I can remember going to all sorts of interesting places. An old gold mining town, a place with huge dinosaurs, the Redwood forests, a beer factory (!), campgrounds, and lots of yummy hole-in-the-wall restaurants. When my mom comes to visit she invariably wants to go and see someplace/something new, which is a lot of fun! We've visited Williamsburg, Virginia, gone to a children's museum, done a tour of the Toyota plant down in Kentucky, visited Amish country in Ohio, travelled to Seattle, and are looking forward to other adventures in the future. (And none of this includes the many, many places she's visited on her own or with my other siblings!) She's taught me to look around and explore where I live, as well as any places within driving distance.
She has a zest for life that I envy. I also wish I had inherited her fearless and independent spirit. She's always been able to take care of herself and if she's ever been afraid to go somewhere by herself I've never known it.

My mom is also one of the only other people I know who is as adventurous an eater as I am. We will try just about anything. And it's so much more fun to try new stuff with someone else! I get a great love of food from both sides of my family, but my mom wins for teaching me about the greatest variety of foods. (Oh, and did I mention that she's also a good cook??!)

My mom is pretty amazing. I wish I got to see her more often. I've got another ten months to wait, but she'll come out for Aimee's graduation and then we'll go find some more cool stuff to do! (We're already putting places on the list!)

Reason to Celebrate

Twenty-one years ago I gave a child up for adoption. For those twenty-one years I've had a hole somewhere in the very core of my being. It doesn't matter that it was the right decision, or really the only one I could have made in that situation. It still hurt like nothing I've ever experienced. Although I learned to move on with my life and find joy and contentment, the ache and the emptiness have always been there under the surface. Something has always been missing. I've thought about her and wondered where she was, how she was doing, did she feel loved, does she ever wonder about me? I've tried searching for her at times but had no luck. Somehow it never felt like quite the right time. Until last week.

I had been praying lately that I would be able to find her and know that she was okay. I prayed that she would be ready to hear from me.

Imagine my elation then, at finding this child on facebook (of all places!) She is healthy, happy, and doing well. So far we've only been able to chat a little on facebook, but my hope is that we'll be able to talk on the phone or via skype sometime soon. Even if she decides that she wants minimal or no contact in the future, I have the relief of knowing that she's okay. For the first time in twenty-one years I can feel that deep ache subsiding and the emptiness filling in at the edges.

Does this mean that I'll suddenly be whole again, or become some incredible, amazing person? That seems unlikely. There were many other factors that also played a part in making me who I am today. But I think I will experience more healing as I follow this road. My dear husband is worried that I'll be hurt in this process, but nothing can hurt as much as letting a child go. And with God by my side, I'll be all right. After all, look at how much he's done with me already!

Now my challenge is to not let my enthusiasm scare her off! After all, there are so many things I want to know. So many questions to ask, so much time to catch up on. But I also realize that it's going to be awkward and that she may not be as ready for this as I am. So I'll try to take it slow and enjoy the chance I've been given.