I look the part of the "perfect" Mormon on Sundays. I've gotten very good at it. I show up at church dressed nicely, I smile at others, am cheerful and do (almost)everything I'm asked to. You won't hear me yell or cuss or tell naughty jokes. I even try to pay attention to the talks and lessons.
Sometimes, though, I think I should be less "perfect" at church. Maybe frown a little when I'm cranky? Die my hair pink? Get a noticeable tattoo?? Crack out some potty humor? Something that shows that I haven't always lived the life of a good church-going girl. Enough to let others who aren't comfortable with church know that I was them once. Some days I want to advertise the fact that I made huge mistakes in my life, because I believe that if I can overcome them, so can anyone else. I want to be an example of hope to those who think they're too far gone.
Sometimes I wish I had the guts to get up and announce that if you're a sinner, if you've made mistakes and done things you wouldn't want anyone else to know about, come sit with me because I can relate.
My dilema, though, is that while I'm quite open with most people about my past and will willingly share my story with those who need to hear it, I've found that the straight and narrow path is so much more comfortable and joyful that I don't want to step foot on the wrong path again, not even for a moment (because a moment can be so tempting.)
So for now I'll forgo the tattoo, dyed hair and anything else that would mark me as rebellious. I'm happy enough looking the part of a "perfect" Mormon because that's who I really am inside now. I may not be able to keep that wonderful, peaceful feeling all week long, but for those few hours each week I'm going to revel in the privilege of being in God's house and celebrate how Jesus Christ has changed me.
Come sit with me. Get to know me. I may not be the poster child for a "perfect" Mormon woman, but I've found something special in this gospel. It's life changing and amazing and I'd love to share it with you.
