Thursday, January 21, 2010

Forever Family?

Here's my predicament: I know that our whole earthly existence is leading up to an eternal life with our families, and that what we're supposed to be learning here is to live with and love others. So where does that leave me? I've always been the outcast in my family (partly through my own fault) and never felt like I fit in. I left home at 18 and had to keep my distance in order to overcome family traits, habits, and ways that were hurtful and keeping me from healing. I'm not saying I have a bad family or that I don't love them... it was just pretty dysfunctional and I couldn't pass along some of the stuff I grew up with to my own child. And I wasn't strong enough to leave it behind without doing so physically as well as mentally and emotionally.
Does this mean that I'm a failure because I never did learn how to live with them and near them? What will eternity be like for someone like me, who doesn't have a close relationship to anyone but my immediate family? Can heaven really be "heaven" in a case like mine? Or will I live eternally with regrets and wishes for closer relationships that never did happen in this lifetime?
I'm not saying that life is empty and hopeless for me. I am somewhat closer to my husband's family than my own, and my husband, daughter and I are quite close. I just wonder sometimes what eternity will be like when you don't have the type of family situation that feels like a "forever" family.


Leslie said...

My sister-in-law shares some of these same sentiments and questions. She has had a very hard time with the "honor your father and your mother" commandment, until someone explained to her that it didn't mean she had to have warm fuzzy feelings toward them, but that she needed to live her life in such a way that it would bring honor to her parents.

Sometimes we just need to see things in a different light in order to make peace witht them.

Patty, if YOU don't make it to heaven, none of us will! And, I fully trust and believe that you will be happier than you could ever imagine!

P.S., I claim you as my sister!!

Jan Sullivan said...

My heart breaks for you and your biological family, but I totally understand. We have difficulty loving our mom's side of the family. I do believe that honoring your parents sometimes means walking away from them, especially if they have destructive behaviors. I also believe that when you become a Christian you are grafted into a larger family.
My second book deals with that very issue, it's called Never Alone. I would love for you to read it.
Jan Sullivan (Part of the Family)

Anonymous said...

卡爾.桑得柏:「除非先有夢,否則一切皆不成。」共勉! ....................................................

chelle said...

I am so with you on this Patty. My family is the definition of dysfunction. I am not close to any one member of my family and I oftentimes wish I had little more distance from the few I am in contact with. I struggle often with feelings of guilt because of these feelings towards my family. I am by far closer to and would much rather be with Michael's family than my own.
I have no answers as to what Heaven will be like with my family. I can only assume that after they are dead and they are finally taught the truth and the Temple work has been done, that they will come around and be the people I would want to spend eternity with.
I seriously think we may have been twins separated at birth. Our lives are all to similar!
Hugs my friend. :)

Cassie said...

I don't want this to come off wrong, but I think it's going to be different than what we could ever imagine. We are going to be different from anything we could ever imagine. We aren't going to be mortal, they aren't going to be mortal. We are all still going to be growing and striving but we are going to be immortal and surround by different things. I can't imagine how you feel now. What I am hoping for is that while we worry and stress over every little thing we do here. We will see the true perspective and timeline of things when we are immortal.

I don't know I may be totally off.