I have this funny feeling of resignation lately. It's replaced a lot of the fear and anxiety I usually feel, so I suppose it's not a bad thing. But it's weird to think of conducting or even teaching in Relief Society and then just let out a big sigh and know that this is something I just have to do. It's not a matter of "do I want to", or even "can I"... it's simply "I have to", therefore I do. Someday I dream of being able to approach some of the duties with a joyful feeling of "getting to" do this or that. But for now this strangely calm approach of just doing what needs to be done is working. This isn't the type of blessing I had in mind when I asked Heavenly Father to help me be able to do what would be required of me, but hey, since when do I know better than Him? And it's working. Isn't that what counts? It reaffirms my testimony that God really knows ME.
Oh, and I was able to bear my testimony at the end of Relief Society today and it wasn't even my turn to teach. I think that's another first. I'm working my way up to doing that in Sacrament Meeting. So far the blessing I mentioned above hasn't extended THAT far... I guess it's like a magic spell that has it's limitations. Or maybe Heavenly Father is just really careful with me and pushes me so far, but not too far. He must really love me to treat me so tenderly.