Thursday, December 6, 2007

What I can give, and what I can't

Being at YW In Excellence last night got me thinking about what I'm able to give to my daughter, and also what I can't give. I can give her my love and support. I can share my testimony, my experiences, my knowledge. I can give my time and energy. But I can't give her a testimony of her own. I can't make her want to learn what I know, and I can't give her my desire and determination to live the gospel. It's a frustrating situation to want to convince a child that their Heavenly Father knows and loves them, but to know that ultimately that is something they have to learn on their own. I can be an example to her and show her the way, but I can't drag her along the path.
I'd imagine that Heavenly Father often feels the same way about each of us. He wants us to live up to our potential, to eagerly reach for those blessings He has waiting for us, and to make a determined effort to draw close to Him. But we all fall short. Sometimes it's because of rebelliousness, other times it's sheer laziness, and there are plenty of times when it's just ignorance and lack of understanding. He is the ultimate parent, though. He gives us the tools and resources to learn more of Him, gives us guidance and direction, and then gently prods us to take advantage of them. Sometimes He has to get more firm with us and give us a "time-out" or other punishment to get our attention, but as long as we are trying and doing He seems to give us a lot of time and patience to get to where we need to be.
Being human, though, I don't always want to wait for my daughter to have "ah-ha" moments. Sometimes I want to lock her in a room with the scriptures and tell her she can't leave until she's read them and felt them touching her heart. I know that wouldn't do any good though. A testimony can't be forced and it can't be passed along. It's something we each have to work to obtain and struggle to enlarge every day of our lives.
So I'll keep trying to follow Heavenly Father's example. I'll give her love and patience, plenty of opportunities for prayer and scripture reading, and lots of support every time she makes an effort. And one day the spirit will touch her heart so strongly that she'll hunger and thirst for more knowledge of her Savior. That will be a happy and blessed day- the kind that every parent wishes, hopes and prays for.

7 comments:

Louann and Bari said...

Absolutely. More power to ya Mamma!!

Leslie said...

I have had these same thoughts with regard to my children. The best I can do is to give them the tools, a good example, and then pray my guts out for them.

ANTSYLLI said...

You are right on the mark as usual. Those teenage years are especially difficult because you have to let them learn on their own. That is why I am thankful for the knowledge that the Lord knows each of us and what we need. I believe that when we do all we can, the Lord will make up the difference and even though it may take years to see the results, we do see them. I have witnessed this countless times. Hang in there. You are doing great.

Papa D said...

I used to pray that my children would grow up - then they did.

It's all worth it. I am amazed on a regular basis by what our older children say. I just look at them and think, "They were listening!!"

AJ said...

Parenting is the hardest thing I have ever done, and Jeremy is only 4 years old! I hope I am setting a good example for him. I love what Joseph Smith said,"Teach them proper values and let them govern themselves." (And pray like HECK!) You are doing an awesome job.

Mama D said...

One of the blessings of serving in YW is watching the transformation as they start to gain their own testimonies.

With what I've learned with my own kids and "my" YW, I would say: teach, pray, love, be an example, listen, trust them to figure it out, be patient with *their* (not your) time frame, and give yourself permission to do the best you can but make mistakes as a parent/leader. They just might surprise you with where they end up... even if they struggle in the process of getting to that point.

IMO, recognizing what you can give and what you can't is the first step to success as a parent! But that doesn't mean it will be easy and painless.

One thing about blogging: we can vent frustrations, celebrate successes, and support and help each other as we navigate these parenting ups and downs.

FWIW, I have seen a lot of growth in Aimee since she entered YW! She's on the right path, just give her time to "get" it.

Profound post yet again, Patty!

Mama D said...

One of the blessings of serving in YW is watching the transformation as they start to gain their own testimonies.

With what I've learned with my own kids and "my" YW, I would say: teach, pray, love, be an example, listen, trust them to figure it out, be patient with *their* (not your) time frame, and give yourself permission to do the best you can but make mistakes as a parent/leader. They just might surprise you with where they end up... even if they struggle in the process of getting to that point.

IMO, recognizing what you can give and what you can't is the first step to success as a parent! But that doesn't mean it will be easy and painless.

One thing about blogging: we can vent frustrations, celebrate successes, and support and help each other as we navigate these parenting ups and downs.

FWIW, I have seen a lot of growth in Aimee since she entered YW! She's on the right path, just give her time to "get" it.

Profound post yet again, Patty!